Sunday, April 24, 2011

About the bad ole good ole days

Why are the good ole days always good? Why can’t they be the bad ole days? And if we do indeed have bad ole days then why do people always think only about the good ole days and *sigh*?

I have a couple of friends who always insist on reminiscing about the days past. Now I don’t have a problem taking a walk down memory lane every once in a while but it seems like these people are stuck permanently in memory a matter of fact, they LIVE on memory lane! All of this would make sense if their past had been a bouquet of posies and that was ALL they wanted to talk about. However, this is hardly ever the case because talking about the good ole times of the good ole days always leads to talk about the bad ole times of the good ole days. This makes me wonder….do we subconsciously enjoy scratching up old wounds that are just about to heal? Does our mind get some sort of twisted pleasure by indulging itself with memories of the past that make us sad? Is wallowing in the miseries of our past a type of sinful pleasure we like indulging in?

I’ll be honest and accept that there have been times when I have dug deep into my bag of memories and dug out those that have wrecked me the most. Sometimes I do this to keep myself from making the same stupid mistakes, at times I do it just to see if they still throb, some of the times I do it to compare them to a current hurtful memory and dramatically enough, sometimes I do it just to get a good cry. However, I don’t think I would have the will to get out of bed every day if I thought about these memories every breathing second of my life and I am amazed by people who do. Again, it makes me wonder, why are these people so stuck in their past that they are actually letting bygones affect their present and future? I wonder if these people are sipping a potion of bitterness everyday just so the bitterness can linger on in their mouths and remind them of how things can be. However, I wonder if they realize that in doing so they are letting this poison-like bitterness seep through the nooks and crannies of their body, much like a disease making its way slowly through a patient’s body. Do these people realize how contagious their condition is?

A friend of mine told me that he has learnt that the best way to live life is to not trust anyone completely. That was all he said and that was how he ended the sentence. Now…he didn’t say this out loud but I know that in his head, that sentence ended with “…because when you trust people completely, you endow them with the ability to hurt you emotionally.” I know this particular friend quite well and I know where this bitterness in him is coming from but I wonder how many of us walk through our every day with that sort of ideology in mind. How many of us are not giving every new individual in our life 100% trust for fear of being hurt? Perhaps these individuals don’t realize that they are stuck in the good ole days because their lack of ability to trust people now has alienated them from happiness. I understand that being cautious can be a good thing around certain individuals but how cautious is too cautious?

Speaking of being cautious reminds me of little children. I used to work with kids almost everyday and was constantly amazed by how kids fear so little and how easily they love another. For my summer camps, I usually met a new classroom of kids for three hours a day, five times a week and then said goodbye. During these 15 hours, I got to peek into their lives and observe them being themselves. These kids are brave little warriors- they run up the monkey bars while barely holding them, they jump off swings when swings reach their highest point, they pick up scary looking bugs, worms, objects just to play with them and they showed me so much love in the few hours I spend with them. Most of these kids knew that they would never see me after a week’s time, yet they shared all sorts of juicy secrets/stories with me, hugged me and told me how I was their favorite teacher ever. So brave and yet so soft. How many of us can look back and see ourselves fit the muddy little shoes of these kids? Most of us can…but as we grow older, we start learning that running up monkey bars without holding them tightly can result in broken bones, we learn that jumping off swings going high can result in bloody knees/palms, we learn that playing with bugs/worms can lead to a diseased breakout and most importantly we learn that loving people unconditionally can lead to broken hearts. So tough and yet so timid huh?

So as it turns out, we associate the good ole days of playgrounds and new friends with bruises bodies and hearts. This is how we evolve into grown individuals who are too bitter to take risks and forage after new relationships. Tough lessons huh? I think not! We only learn what we want to learn. Well, I think it is about time we learn to stop hiding behind the past and learn to start exploring the present. Let us not talk about the good ole times only to talk about the bad ole times. Let us also not talk about the good ole times just to make the current times feel less crummy. If loving with an open heart leads to pain then learn to handle the pain...not avoid it. I would rather learn to be the person who trusts people 100% instead of being the person who starts with 0% of trust. Want to know why? Its because the former scenario keeps me happy from the beginning of the relationship and provides me with good new days whereas the others just seem reminiscent of the bitter lessons of bad ole days.
So there you have it - Another random ramble of my restless mind. If you have taken the time to get this far then leave me a comment. I like reading what other people have to say, regardless of whether they agree with my viewpoint or not. Thanks for indulging me :)

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