Sunday, April 24, 2011

The moonlight on my bed keeps me awake

Inspired by the first line of Carolyn Kizer's poem "Night Sounds"

The moonlight on my bed keeps me awake.
It bounces all around my room, 
Touching all that belongs to me
And hopping around from pillar to pillar, 
FInally settling by my side, 
Looks me right into the eye and demands.
Demands to know my whole life story, 
Demands to know the worth of everyone in my life, 
Demands to know everything...the everything that I hide behind.

He does this almost every night-
Hopping, bouncing and demanding to know.
But the truth is, he knows it all.
There is nothing left to say.
For every night he comes to me, this becomes his bedtime story. 
He knows it from the bottom of his heart but still
demands- demands to be told every night. 

So I tell him, I start again
Right from where I always do.
Fill him in with all he knows
Till I come to what always remins untold.
This is the moment that I need...I need to tell him all that I feel.
I need to tell him how much I hate him.
I hate him for keeping me awake in the night.
I hate him for touching all that is mine.
I hate him for lying right by my side.
I hate him for looking me right in the eye. 

But before I begin he starts to leave-
The sun is here and he needs to flee.
It is just the way it always is-
He leaves before I can reach the pith.

He does not hear what he needs to hear the most.

I know that this will happen again
just the way it always does-
The moonlight on my bed will keep me awake, 
It will bounce all around my room, 
Touch all that belongs to me
And hopping around from pillar to pillar
Will finally settle by my side
and demand to know all that I hide behind. 

Maybe tonight I will tell him all-
All that remins unsaid
All that he refuses to hear.
Maybe then the bouncing will stop, 
Maybe then the hopping will cease, 
Maybe then he will let me sleep, 
Maybe then...maybe then...

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